I have received my first request!  A dear friend bought a bunch of collard greens and sent me a Facebook message looking for a quick recipe.  Little did she know this would be a sore subject.  A quick search of the internet will show you that people are preparing quick collard greens.  Anyone who eats collard greens regularly would know that these can be tough and bitter.

Shameful Quick Collard Greens (Sides)

• 4 oz thick-cut bacon per bunch of collard greens, cut into 1/4″ pieces
• 1/2 onion, diced
• 1 tsp garlic, crushed
• 1-2 bunches collard greens, de-stemmed, rolled, and sliced in ribbons
• 1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes or hot sauce of choice
• 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
• Salt and pepper

1. Sauté bacon over medium heat in dutch oven or deep chef’s pan until crispy.  Remove bacon to paper towel.
2. Add onion to bacon fat and cook until translucent. Add garlic and cook two minutes.
3. Add greens, red pepper flakes, and vinegar, and toss in pan.  Cook 4-5 minutes, softening.
4. Remove from heat.  Mix in reserved bacon.  Season with salt and pepper to taste.

There you go, quick collards.

Now, if you have time for proper preparation of collard greens, you need a day, not twenty-or-so minutes.  But, as I am lazy at heart, I do it in the slow cooker so I do not have to babysit them.

Proper Collard Greens (Sides)

• 4 oz thick cut bacon, cut into 1/4″ pieces
• 1/2 onion, diced
• 1 tsp garlic, crushed
• 1-2 smoked ham hocks
• 1-2 bunches collard greens, de-stemmed, rolled, and sliced in ribbons
• 1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes or hot sauce of choice
• 4 cups chicken stock or water
• 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
• Salt and pepper

1. Sauté bacon in skillet over medium heat until crispy.  Remove bacon to slow cooker.
2. Add onion to bacon fat and cook until translucent. Add garlic and cook two minutes.  Add to slow cooker.
3. Add greens, ham hocks, red pepper flakes, and stock.  Cook 4-5 hours on low.
4. Remove ham hocks, remove meat from bones shredding.  Discard bones, returning meat to slow cooker.
5.  Add vinegar and season with salt and pepper.
6. Cook 1 more hour.
7. Serve with a small amount of the pot likker.

I like this best with corn bread or hush puppies to soak up the broth known lovingly as pot likker.

Vegetarians:  use olive oil or coconut oil and skip the meat.  Add 1 tbsp liquid aminos. 

You can serve collard greens with fried chicken or catfish, pulled pork, grilled sausages, or really any damn thing you want as long as it is robust and soulful.  I tried to find a picture of collard greens in the pot, but could not, though I know I have made them on more than one occasion.  I found many pictures of kale, however, as it can be made quick without offense.  I will snap one next time!

But I’m telling you the same I tell Kings and Queens…

don’t ever never ever mess around with my greens!

— The Witch, “Witch’s Entrance,” Into the Woods